In rest of the western hemisphere the Pre-Christmas frenzy is in full swing ..........
In my little plot of the world we have been spared all of the seasonal advertising
malarky and general hype due to the fact that Cloggy STILL hasn't figured out how to position the satellite dish properly and get rid of all the free German porn channels so its safe to turn the
TV on again. (I think he's holding out on this point in the vain hope of breaking the parental control lock I set on the receiver).
A few days ago, whilst looking for new school agendas for the Baby Cloggys in a
local bookstore, I came across an English magazine section where multiple Christmas Editions were on sale. In a moment of weakness I purchased 'Good Food' and 'Country Living' and took them home.
The first had a whole menu for Christmas Lunch and the other an article, with pictures, on how to make your house look Christmasy. It was then that I realised the following;
HOLY CRAP ITS NEARLY CHRISTMAS AND I HAVE DONE FECK ALL ABOUT IT!
A frenzied 2 hour Internet shopping spree later (god bless amazon.com ) all Christmas presents for far flung family and friends had been purchased - with much love and thought, honestly -
and I turned my attention to other seasonal stuff.
"Turkey - readily available
Veggies - readily available
Booze - can float the Titanic with the amount of alcohol stashed in the Cloggy household
Christmas Tree - Farm at the end of the road
Decorations - Ikea is open late
Christmas cards - donated a goat to an African family instead
Christmas cake ............ THE DUTCH DON'T DO CHRISTMAS CAKES ....... Damn it I'm gonna have to make it myself! Where did I put the Blessed 'Delia Smith' Christmas recipe book?"
After a while I found 'Delia' in one of the last remaining unpacked moving boxes and looked up her Christmas cake recipe and discovered that I should of made the cake in November in order to feed
it properly with brandy after it was baked. Also not all of the required ingredients are available in Swampland. What to do?
WING IT!
I replaced all the required liquid ingredients with Brandy and added a bit more for good luck along with an extra load of flour to soak up the excess moisture and a bit more baking powder just in
case. I replaced all the missing fruity required ingredients with pears that had been poached in cognac and dried - chopped finely of course :O/. Treacle has been replaced with Stroop (and more
brandy).
To be honest I was a little afraid when I put the beast in to bake as I had cleaned the oven on Monday. So far so good - god knows what the thing is gonna taste like though but at least
I can feed it with extra brandy over the next 2 weeks!
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Well its not been a winning season so far but the girls
are getting better every game ......
On Sunday they played well against one of the leading teams in the division and held onto a 1 - 0 deficit
until the last 3 minutes of the game. End result 2 - 0 loss but we had nothing to be ashamed about. It was a very good game!
Now ... Can you tell if the girls are demoralized after their defeat? Take a look at the clip below before you form an answer.
(Many thanks to FloJo for having the sense of mind to film Haackeys equivalent of the Olsen Twins murdering a Celine Dion
Classic!)
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At what age should a parent give their kid permission to get their ears pierced?
Hell I don't know, it was a rhetorical question .... I am just pleased
that they still feel the need to ask me for permission before they mutilate their body parts!
Thankfully I was being asked for permission of ears being pierced and not more extreme body parts, even MORE thankfully it was Smallest Baby Cloggy who was
doing the asking and she is a girl child of the species. If it had been one of the Baby Boy Cloggys I would of sent them to their Auntie Sarah to ask permission and provide justification as she
can calmly, reasonably debate the pros and cons of this kind of stuff before she slams the big fat NO hammer down on any such ill-conceived idea's. I, on the other hand, would
just ground the little feckers and remove any access to their pocket money.
Smallest Baby Cloggy is 10, I had been holding out on the ear piercing thing hoping that she would get to 12 as that was the age when my Mother allowed me to get ear junk. I realised that the day
would eventually come but wanted her to want it for herself and not because all the rest of the girls in her class had baubles in their ears.
Today she gave a well thought out presentation of why I should allow her to get her ears pierced and I relented. She didn't even flinch as the nail gun forced the gold studs through her ears
at a hundred gazillion miles an hour and spent a full 20 minutes checking out her new ear junk in the mirror before she allowed us to leave. She was incredibly happy and proud and I was
incredibly happy and proud for her.
(Cloggy had not understood my standoff in the matter of ear piercing and had previously told his daughter that she could have it done if "Mama agreed".)
"Don't tell Papa", she said, "Lets see how long it takes him to see that I have had my ears pierced"!
It took Cloggy a full 10 minutes to realise that his daughter had holes in her ears as opposed to him taking a full 5 weeks to realise that I had changed my contact lenses and had green eyes
instead of brown.
My baby girl is growing up! I guess you can protect them for as long as you can but at some point you need to trust that as a Mother you have done a good job and give them the freedom to make
their own choices. Today was the first step with Smallest Baby Cloggy, there is a long way to go before I cut her completely loose in this world but I believe that when I do cut her loose she
will thrive in what ever vocation she chooses.
All Hail to Baby Girls! (And their Mothers)
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Prepare to be annoyed just about sums it up ... The Dutch idea of free flowing traffic SUCKS ... Especially if you have to negotiate the Eindhoven ring
road!
Last Thursday afternoon my appointment ran a tad overtime which left me with a huge dilemma ..... Stay in Belgium for a
couple of extra hours and shop for fireworks or go directly home and run the risk of the evening Dutch rush hour chaos.
My choice was simple ...... no cash, as it was not yet pay day, and no credit card (which was confiscated by Cloggy after a previous such dilemma resulted in a huge addition
to my shoe collection) ......
I got in my car, set the navigation system to 'Home', took a deep breath and drove out of the car park.
2 hours later I had driven 60 kms, was bustin for a pee and stuck fast in the evening traffic on the Eindhoven ring road which can only be described as Dante's 7th circle of Hell!
The Eindhoven ring road has been undergoing "improvements" by the Dutch Highway Authority since before Noah realised it was not a good idea to bunk the Tigers in with the tasty Chickens
on his Ark. "Authority" my arse!
As you approach the ring signs tell you to turn off your navigation and follow the signs ... thereafter THERE ARE NO BLOODY SIGNS and all the exit roads lead back onto the
Eindhoven ring!
In sheer desperation and in danger of flooding my car I called Cloggy for help;
"How the hell do I get off of this road?"
His answer was simple;
"Find a truck with a German licence plate and follow it, you'll either end up in Spain or on the right road home"!
Luckily, or unluckily, for Cloggy (depending on if you are a friend of his or a friend of mine) I followed a German truck that was heading back to the Fatherland. 4 hours later I
staggered in through my kitchen door and collapsed. Cloggy administered wine, bless him, after a cheap bottle of plonk later I had forgotten about my nightmare journey and was
ready for my next sortie around the Eindhoven ring road.
Well ... maybe not ... but by January I will have figured out how to get my credit card back.
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It with a heavy heart that I sit here and write. This evening our old faithful skate boarding pooch departed to the great half pipe in the sky.
Hamish McDog
June 14th 1996 - September 8th 2009
Favorite food- Anything .... including Cloggys left shoes (only the left ones never the
right - go figure!)
Favorite pass time - Skate Boarding and Barking at birds
Hobbies - Skateboarding, Eating, Chasing Cats, Eating, Chasing Hockey Balls, Eating, Chasing Bunnies, Eating, Sleeping on the Sofa, Eating, Playing with the kids, Eating,
Trampolining, Eating, Swimming, Eating, Surf Fishing (mainly because he got to eat the left over bait) and cleaning the BBQ.
Most Endearing Quality - Always knowing when one of his human pets were sad and snuffling up close to comfort them.
Most Un-Endearing Quality - Farting and then leaving the room.
Hamish McDog was one in a million who we will miss keenly but all good things must come to an end eventually. We were lucky to be a part of his life for as long as it lasted and it lasted a long
time! He had a damn fine innings,enjoyed his retirement and has left us with very many happy memories which we will cherish.
Rest Well My Faithful Old Friend.
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Typical American Football Terminology Now Being Used For Dutch Hockey .....
Yes we in Swampland are in full Pre-Season Hockey Warm Up Games ..... And It is Brutal!
Training began 3 weeks ago after a 2 week stop for vacation. Now there is a heavy schedule of pre-season test games before the start of the competition on the 13th September.
Today it was the Haackey Men's 1st Team that was under fire. In 30°C + heat they played 2 games back to back against Bully and Almelo. Both of which they
won.
Not a bad result for a brand new team made up of old players from last season and new players from the A youth.
The team still has a long way to go and much to learn but based on todays games I think they will give a good presentation in the 2e
Klaase.
There were a few members of the public that didn't give a Rats Arse what Heren 1 did today, but they were so cute and busy in their own little world we let them off!
Onwards and Upwards!
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Have you ever had a sneaky feeling that your in for a crazy weekend?
This weekend it is the Neighbourhood Summer Feast. In our mad little part of the Netherlands they celebrate the harvest by putting on a 3 day carnival that brings over 50,000 people into the sleepy
farming community. I had forgotton this and was soundly snoring away until I was woken by the most ungodly music blasting through the house.
At first I thought that they had moved the feast site into our backyard and had almost resigned myself to no sleep for the weekend but then I walked downstairs to find a carnival float had
been ambushed by Cloggy and his sidekick 'Old Dude Neighbour".
Yup ....... the boys had blocked the road and refused to let the float pass until quite a few shots of something very alcoholic had been digested. Needless to say the guys on the float did not put
up much of a resistance.
Please remember that it was not yet 9am when all of this was going down ..........
Now a quick breakfast and then "op de fiets" to the carnival and showground.
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