Its been one of those days when time just got away from me and my best
intentions of inflicting another culinary master piece on Family Clog disappeared down the pan.
A combination of work and a knackered boiler scuttled my plans for making Coq Au Van, the recipe of which, I had found in the 'Four Seasons Cookery Book' written by Margaret
Costa. Lack of time meant that I resorted in feeding the Clogs store bought Chicken Cordon Bleu, mashed potatoes and frozen pea's. What a let down. I did feel somewhat indignant as I watched
them tuck into the overly orange chicken as if they had been deprived of nourishment for the last 96 hours.
Thursday - Coq Au Van
Failed attempt - I sacrificed a good dinner for warmth and hot water!
The Heating Engineer was very pleasant sort of chap who commended the Cloggy Residential Boiler in
its efforts to provide us with heat and hot water over the last year but quickly followed up his praise with "It's completely Knackered and there's Bugger all I can do to fix it - you'd best
get a new one and quickly"!
The Dinosaur is 20 years old and its fought the valiant fight but there comes a time when its better to chuck out the old and bring in the new. Cloggy is shakin in his boots not only in
anticipation of the bill but also because I have known him a bloody long time too!
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Onion Johnny was the nickname given to the French farmers that used to sell onions door-to-door
in England, Wales and Scotland. Dressed in striped shirt and beret, riding a bicycle hung with onions, the Onion Johnny became the stereotypical image of the
Frenchman.
I love onions, always have done. I think they are value for money and the multitude of scrummy dishes that you can make out of
them is endless. My Grandfather also loved his onions and ate a raw one every morning of his entire adult life stating that they had medicinal qualities. He was rarely ill but it was always wise
to give him a little extra personal space in the mornings otherwise you would of been knocked out by his oniony whiff.
Downside of cooking with onions is that you have to peel them and chop em up and this leads to enevitable tears. There
are many different solutions to this problem including putting a spoon in your mouth, wearing contact lenses, soaking the onions in water, chewing gum, sticking your tongue out, and (my personal
favorite) wearing your kids swimming goggles to ensure an airtight seal around your eyes! None of em work - you just have to get used to the tears.
Today's recipe called for 2.5 Kg of finely chopped onions so I sharpened my knife and made ready the Kleenex .........
Wednesday - Pissaladière
I filched this recipe from the book 'Simple French Cooking' book written by Georges Blanc and Coco Jobard. It involves making a dough base which is roughly 1.5cm thick and sweating the onions in
a heavy based pan until they are translucent but not caramelized. Add the onions to the dough base and then place tomatoes, anchovies and black olives on top then place in a hot oven
and bake for 30 minutes.
Was very yummy and there is a small bit left over for my lunch tomorrow. No sarky comments about the slightly darkish bits around the edge please, Raymond Blanc I ain't!
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In 1987 the U.S. National Pork Board, began an advertising campaign to position pork as "the other white meat" due to a
public perception of chicken and turkey (white meat) as more healthy than red meat.
Since then various splinter factions of the campaign have been formed proclaiming that the likes of Possums, Squirrels, Cats and Babies are the other white meat. 3 of these options are very
dubious and 1 is illegal. There more suggestions available via the Google search engine but they are just silly!
Tuesday
- No Brainer Pork Chops and Mash
There's not much you can do to murder a pork chop so The Family Clog need not have looked so nervous as I prepared this evenings dinner.
I raided the January edition of 'Delicious' magazine for the basis of the recipe but chose to make a few changes due to the Baby Clogs palettes and cost of ingredients. I must of made the right
changes as the dinner table this evening was silent apart from 'Happy Homer Simpson' type noises emanating from Middle Baby Clog - that boy sure does enjoy his food - and plates were scraped
clean.
Basic Method;
Pork chops were rubbed with olive oil and seasoned and placed under a hot grill until nicely brown on both sides and served with slices of pre-prepared Garlic, Herb and Cracked Pepper Butter.
The mash was made in the normal way but I added a mixture of warm milk and cream that had been infused with fresh Thyme. To the mash I also added finely chopped raw andijvie (a kind of chicory)
and red onion, better known in Swampland as Stamppot.
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I
went to school in a period when home economic classes
were compulsory and the TV Chefs of the day were the likes of the 'Galloping Gourmet' and 'Fanny Craddock'.
My teacher was a red haired witch, called Mrs Morgan who, ultimately, gave up her quest to teach unruly offspring of the Mods and Rockers Era basic
fundamentals of cooking and went into politics for the local Labour Party in a Conservative borough.
She was a tough old bird and conducted her classes with a Narnia ice queen like rule. If you made the mistake of wearing nail polish to her class a withering glance, over the top
of her black horn rimmed glasses, made you slouch up to her desk, where she kept a bottle of acetone and a basket of cotton wool, and remove the offending lacquer.
Did I enjoy her classes? NO!
Did I learn anything? HELL YES!
One of the first things Mrs Morgan taught us (and YES I remember it clearly) was how to make a Roux Sauce. I won't bore you with the details but from that day onwards I have always made
a perfect roux - no lumps to be found with no sieving or whisking necessary. Milk, Flour, Butter and seasoning are the basic ingrediants and if you want to get fancy you can infuse the milk
with herbs and other such malarky.
The use of Butter in cooking, these days, is frowned upon due to all sorts of discovered dietary blah-de-blahs but, in my opinion, God would never of created the Cow if he had thought
that an unsaturated fat/ low cholesteral product would be a suitable replacement.
Monday -
The Ultimate MAKEOVER Macaroni Cheese
I took the recipe from Februarys edition of the BBC Good Food magazine where they had given a nutritionist free reign to redesign a comfort food classic.
The task that she had been set was to make a low fat, low salt, alternative whilst still maintaining the wholesome flavour. The girl worked hard trying many different combinations of low fat
cheeses, low fat milks, low fat creams, herbs, veggies and no butter but had to resign in adding tomatoes in order to sell the dish on "providing half of the daily requirement
of vitamin C" in place of taste.
She did suceed in reducing the fat, saturated fat and salt content of the dish by half and proclaimed that we "can now enjoy this warming dish with far less guilt"!
It looked real pretty but its taste was so bland that even the dogs had to sniff it twice before they wolfed it down and my dogs don't bother to sniff the sh1t from Cloggys
Chickens before they eat it! They have a very refined palette.
I remade the dish using the time old roux recipe (WITH BUTTER), taught by Mrs Morgan, and added the tomatoes, spring onions, garlic,
mustard powder and other banned ingredients that the nutritionist had included/excluded in her makeover and the results were pretty outstanding.
Moral of this story - If the recipe requires a roux sauce then never try and replace the
butter!
I served the dish up with fresh baked bread rolls and a green salad with a honey and mustard dressing.
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It is a truth universally acknowledged by my family that when I get bored I cook!
There are 3 significant factors that have contributed to my present fit of boredom.
The first is the weather, snow is pretty and fun for a while but the continued arctic conditions that we have been experiencing in Swampland over the last few weeks is beginning to grate on my
nerves.
The second is the economy, no-one has any money and if they do they are holding onto it. In my line of work, which is making sure stuff is built and delivered on time, the recession has hit hard
and assignments are thin on the ground.
The third is that all the hockey has been called off due to a layer of snow on the astro turf. Normally at this time we are well into pre-seaon training and test games.
This combination of factors has left me twiddling my thumbs and diving for the cookery books.
Cloggy and the Baby Clogs have taken my renewed interest in all things culinary with good spirit and only role their eyes at each other when 'they think I cant see them, they should know by now
that I SEE EVERYTHING!
Now .... I am not gonna attempt a 'Julie & Julia' style monologue but until the weather or the economy picks up, or I get bored of cooking too and find something else to fill my
time, I'm gonna be writing about my Kitchen Nightmares.
Sunday
- A proper beef & mushroom pie
Couldn't be arsed to make a roast dinner, there is always way too much washing up involved, so opted to make a pie instead. The fact that pie making produces more
washing up than a roast dinner has been duly noted!
Ingredients;- Beef, Carrots, Onions, Mushrooms, Bacon, flour, sugar, stock cubes, water, herbs and - my favorite - Beer.
Method;- Brown off the beef - Sweat the onions and carrots - Chuck the flour and sugar into the carrot/onions, stir it and then put the beef back in - Add the beer, stock cubes and hot water - stir
it - add the herbs and bung it in the oven for 2 hours - fry the bacon bits and mushrooms - take beef out of oven and add bacon and mushroom - leave it to cool - Make pastry - Make pie - Cook it in
oven for 40 mins and serve with somethng seasonal and green.
It was a great pie - very tasty!
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link
A Weekend of 'FIRSTS' for Knobbly Clog.
First Hockey Games ..... not that he noticed much as he was too busy chasing his tail.
On Saturday the Winter Hockey Competition kicked off a bit later than planned due to snow on the astro turf. The 2 youngest Baby Cloggys had games with General Cloggy at the helm providing
the strategy and cunning tactics for the both teams.
Youngest Baby Clog and her team (Haackey Meisjes D2) were playing on a full field for the first time ever! This skirmish was at 'Bully' in Oldenzaal and nerves were high as Haackey
was a man short. The opposition were over confident and fully expected an easy win but they underestimated the fanaticism of General Cloggy and his squad of tiny Banshee's. At half time the
result was 0 - 0 but in the second half Haackey stormed ahead and secured a resounding win of 4 - 1. Youngest Baby Clog scored a fantastic goal from a penalty corner - a power shot from the top
of the circle.
Middle Baby Clog and his team (Haackey Jongens C1) have been promoted to the 'sub-top' division and are using the winter competition to try out new games plans and field positions. Their regular
coach is taking a well earned sabbatical over the winter break and has left them under the tender care of Cloggy for a few games. General Cloggys tactics have involved placing the boys
into a higher age group for the winter competition and also changing all of their field positions with the forwards playing as defence and the defence playing as forwards.
Yesterday they played their first game against 'Twente' Jongens B2 and I have to say it was one of the best games I have ever seen them play. The boys from 'Twente' were giants and watching the 2
teams line up for the start of the game I must admit that I was a little nervous on behalf of the Haackey boys but my angst was unwarrented. Middle Baby Clogs team danced their way
around the the giant opposition and logged in a 4 - 1 win. General Cloggy was resplendent in his coaching and was grinning like a Cheshire cat as he walked off of the field.
First Walk
Knobbly Clog was taken for his first 'big boy' walk this afternoon and I dressed him up suitably for the cold weather conditions. The Baby Clogs were unamused by Knobblys attire and told me that
I was making the mutt into a 'meitje' but DAMN IT I just don't care, he looked cute. Tonight he will curl up on my pillow and sleep the sleep of a well contented little puppy!
MANY THANKS to the Wonderful Ladies at "Bibi Klamer" for designing, making and sending his little doggy coat, they not only make great clothes for kids but have an eye for
designer practical doggy wear too! Here's a link to their website if you are curious;- link
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If you have a Birthday around Christmas or New Year you typically get a combined ChristBirth present or, when you get to my age,
nothing at all.
The Dutch are very sociable when it comes to birthdays and congratulate not only the Birthday Girl/Boy but also all of the immediate family members + any Grandparents/Uncles/Aunts/3rd Cousins14
times removed etc. that are lurking around. There's a lot of kissing of cheeks and shaking of hands.
Now ...... I am an easy person to please when it comes to choosing a present for me although there are ground rules. Nothing kitchen related and nothing with a plug on it. If I need a
new potato peeler or hair dryer I'll go and get it myself!
Over the years that I have been married to Cloggy he has become very good at surprising me on my birthday but this year he excelled himself. I was awoken with breakfast in bed and a carrier bag
full of chocolate. It looked as if he had forgotten my birthday completely and made a mad dash to the Gas Station and bought their entire stock.
I must admit I was a little disappointed but didn't have time to dwell as I had to be in Utrecht at 10 for work. I love my job and the appointment was particularly jolly and succesful so I
had a good day. I got home at 4 to find that the Baby Cloggys had prepared dinner and had a bottle of Champagne on ice.
After making sure that I was comfortably sat by the fire with a glass of bubbles and a plate full of chocolate to hand they all disappeared with Cloggy. Half an hour later they came home
with my REAL birthday present ............ An 8 week old Cairn Terrier puppy which they had already named 'The Knobbly Clog' - whatever that is!
Knobbly is roughly the size of a 1kg bag of pasta and thinks he's a German Shepherd! He is already best friends with our donkey sized Brown Labrador and loves snow.
Meet Knobbly - HOW CUTE IS THIS! I am not known for my love of small yapper type dogs but this little critter has just melted my heart!
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New Years Eve ..... A time for remembering the old and celebrating the new. Typically in the Netherlands,depending on yer age, a nice family dinner is eaten
accompanied by a few bevvies (drinks). Then at midnight everyone puts on their cold weather gear and heads outside for the inevitable pyrotechnic's.
The pyrotechnics in our little corner of the Netherlands had begun somewhat earlier in the day when my brother had discovered that the neighbour was firing
footballs out of milk churns using homemade explosives. The Dutch call it 'Carbid Schieten', I call it 'A further example of the male of the species determination to exterminate
themselves'! Please note that the below clip is one that I found on the Internet and their isn't a female n sight, I wasn't stupid enough to get anywhere close to the neighbours
little "Al Qaeda" set up.
I love this clip and laugh my largish British arse orf everytime I watch it cause its so typically DUTCH!
Mercifully Cloggy decided that Carbid Schieten was not for him mainly because I had made enquiries and obtained quotes for an increase in his life insurance policy.
The premiums were wickedly extortionate so he settled for the bog standard fireworks that could be bought just about anywhere.
He and my Brother, who was visiting from the UK, decided that the Dutch fireworks were all too bloody expensive and made a skirmish across the border into Germany to purchase the colourful
explosives.
Their shop of choice was the Aldi and they filled a shopping cart full. Once they got to
the checkout they discovered that neither of their bank cards were acceptable and my Brother had to leg it across the main road to the hole in the wall to get cash whilst the queue of cabbage and
potatoe buying German public behind them in the check out line got longer and more bad tempered.
Come Midnight the Skies above Swampland lit up and the noise was unbelievable. Everything we learnt about how to handle fireworks safely and responsibly back in Blighty was instantly
forgotten under the tutorship of Cloggy whose lighter of choice was a big fat cigar.
The Baby Cloggys, their Cousins, my Brother and most definately Cloggy had a great time and retired to their beds as very happy little pyromaniacs.
My Brother and Cloggy woke up the next day with kicking hangovers!
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Yup! Its Christmas Eve and as a gift to us all Cloggy has FINALLY named his chickens!
Tomorrow morning at approximately 6am we will be opening pressies and there after I will be hitting the Champagne.
I love Christmas as its the only legitimate day of the year that I can crack open a bottle of booze and start drinking it before midday.
Merry Christmas to All, Thank you for reading my Blog and Many Thanks for your Comments.
Cloggys Chosen Chicken Names; (Many Thanks for all
of the suggestions)
Rooster = CloggaDoodleDoo
Hen # 1 = Tokkie
Hen # 2 = Bessie
We now also have 1 more speckled hen who is less than a year old and lays the cutest, smallest eggs that you have ever seen. Her name is open to suggestions.
Hen # 3 = .........
I leave her name in your hands.
Much Love
Mrs Cloggy
x
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In rest of the western hemisphere the Pre-Christmas frenzy is in full swing ..........
In my little plot of the world we have been spared all of the seasonal advertising
malarky and general hype due to the fact that Cloggy STILL hasn't figured out how to position the satellite dish properly and get rid of all the free German porn channels so its safe to turn the
TV on again. (I think he's holding out on this point in the vain hope of breaking the parental control lock I set on the receiver).
A few days ago, whilst looking for new school agendas for the Baby Cloggys in a
local bookstore, I came across an English magazine section where multiple Christmas Editions were on sale. In a moment of weakness I purchased 'Good Food' and 'Country Living' and took them home.
The first had a whole menu for Christmas Lunch and the other an article, with pictures, on how to make your house look Christmasy. It was then that I realised the following;
HOLY CRAP ITS NEARLY CHRISTMAS AND I HAVE DONE FECK ALL ABOUT IT!
A frenzied 2 hour Internet shopping spree later (god bless amazon.com ) all Christmas presents for far flung family and friends had been purchased - with much love and thought, honestly -
and I turned my attention to other seasonal stuff.
"Turkey - readily available
Veggies - readily available
Booze - can float the Titanic with the amount of alcohol stashed in the Cloggy household
Christmas Tree - Farm at the end of the road
Decorations - Ikea is open late
Christmas cards - donated a goat to an African family instead
Christmas cake ............ THE DUTCH DON'T DO CHRISTMAS CAKES ....... Damn it I'm gonna have to make it myself! Where did I put the Blessed 'Delia Smith' Christmas recipe book?"
After a while I found 'Delia' in one of the last remaining unpacked moving boxes and looked up her Christmas cake recipe and discovered that I should of made the cake in November in order to feed
it properly with brandy after it was baked. Also not all of the required ingredients are available in Swampland. What to do?
WING IT!
I replaced all the required liquid ingredients with Brandy and added a bit more for good luck along with an extra load of flour to soak up the excess moisture and a bit more baking powder just in
case. I replaced all the missing fruity required ingredients with pears that had been poached in cognac and dried - chopped finely of course :O/. Treacle has been replaced with Stroop (and more
brandy).
To be honest I was a little afraid when I put the beast in to bake as I had cleaned the oven on Monday. So far so good - god knows what the thing is gonna taste like though but at least
I can feed it with extra brandy over the next 2 weeks!
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